The Lone Ranger movie review

THE LONE RANGER

What the hell is wrong with the rabbits in this movie?

OK, there are a LOT of things that went wrong with the Lone Ranger. But I'm going take things one by one. First off, I want to start with the plot. 

The plot of this movie is practically nonexistent. There are simply lines of dialogue that move characters from over-the-top scenario to over-the-top scenario, and it just doesn't work. I mean, there's a shoehorned twist involving one of the characters that you can see coming from the very first moment he shows up on screen. The are some forced emotional scenes in the movie that come off as stupid and forced, that made me just cringe when they came on screen. There's also one character who's morally ambiguous, and not in a good way. I can't tell whether he's completely loyal to the good, but was the victim of misunderstanding, or if the writers just wanted an extra guy to shoot people. 

Alright, now let's get to the performances. Armie Hammer is cold and bland as the titular character. His performance is stale, and might even be up for a Razzie nomination. But it's not just Hammer's performance that makes the protagonist stupid. The writers put in some terrible character choices, that completely defy logic. I mean, throughout the entire movie, HE'S the reason bad things happen! It just pisses me off! Now, people are divided on Johnny Depp's performance as Tonto. It wasn't his best role, but it wasn't his worst either. Tonto is the only character who has a single shred of depth to him in the entire movie, and he had some funny moments at times.

Speaking of funny moments, there are just so many in the movie. There are some  scenes where I questioned whether the movie was a slapstick prop comedy. And there were actually only a few moments where the comedy worked. (Case in point, the scene where John gets hit with an arrow) Another problem with the comedy, is that it conflicts with the tone of the film. There are some outright violent moments in the film, where you can just see blood spraying everywhere, and one of the few likable characters dies in a horrible way. And then, there's slapstick humor.  I mean, you can tell they were trying to go for an Avengers style sense of humor, but the thing with the Avengers, was that it never felt like it broke the mood of the film. Here, it seems like the film can't tell whether it wants to be a dark Western action/revenge tale, or a Western comedy with Three Stooges action.

Now, for the tiny little bit of good in the movie. The action. It's over the top Summer fun, and I will admit, it kept me entertained. A lot. And I won't deny that I got pumped up towards the end when the big finale began, and the William Tell overture began to play. That was actually a little cool.

So, The Lone Ranger is a failure. It fails at story, characters, and humor, but it does deliver on the trailer's promise of massive over-the-top action.

STORY: 1/5

CHARACTERS: 1/5

HUMOR: 1.5/5

ACTION: 4.5/5

VERDICT: 2/5